Right where I am supposed to be, even if that is uncomfortable..

I often wonder if some little spirits come into this world determined that they are going to learn a countless number of karmic lessons in one, short lifetime. Children who are born with birth defects, into extreme poverty, to drug addicted parents or into extremely chaotic situations may have decided to incarnate for just such a reason. While at the soul level I may have some understanding that this may be a chosen path, a soul decision of sorts of theirs, at a physical level as a loving parent or grandparent, it is not easy to accept that I have both a son and a grandson who seem to have chosen such a path.

While I know that G-d watches over them and is in control, while I am aware that there is nothing that I can do to control others, I still feel the need to try to control the situation and keep these two from harm. This ends up leaving me with apron strings attached to these poor strangling children and negative things I do in relation to the adults in their lives, in my effort to help them. So much better for me to accept that the only thing I can truly do is support and love. Yet watching their pain is very hard for me to bear.

It is hard to accept that some of the more negative and unkind thoughts I have had in my life, have had to do with those I felt were dealing with these children in a negative way. In thinking about this situation I have come to a point of understanding that in my effort to control, I am harming the growth of my own soul.

Today I drew a card and it was the hanged man. The card shows the fool hanging upside down in a tree, arms swinging freely. He is in what others would think was a terrible position, yet he has a very unconcerned look on his face. It would make many uncomfortable, but so fits in with my prayers this morning and my thoughts during the past few days, that it actually gives me hope.

In checking out the meaning, I found the following here:
It is a time of insight so deep that for a moment, nothing but that insight exists. A moment between physical and mystical worlds. These usually require some type of sacrifice of a belief or perspective, a wish, a dream, hope, money, time or even selfhood. In order to gain, you must give. Sometimes you need to sacrifice cherished positions, open yourself to other truths, other perspectives, in order to find solutions, in order to bring about change. One thing is certain, whether the insight is great or small, spiritual or mundane, once you have been the hanged man; you will never be quite the same.

My thoughts on this were that this relates to forgiveness and letting go of control. The need to take down the walls around my heart, brick by brick if need be, because in my attempts to protect and shield myself, I also cut myself off from love. That I need to let G-d take the reins in my own and others lives, and that I need to let him lead my steps and that letting go of possessions and attachments are right and part of my path at this time. I need to rely on G-d to always provide for me. I need to keep in mind that times of lack or want, may in fact be times that are actually doing one good on a spiritual level. At the same time, I need to see the mistakes I have made and take responsibility for being where I am, so that I don't end up here again soon. I feel comfort in knowing that no matter where I think I am supposed to be right now, I actually am right where I am supposed to be.

Australian scientists isolate manic depression gene

Thu Jan 12, 11:00 PM ET

SYDNEY (AFP) - Australian scientists say they have isolated a gene that increases the risk of manic depression, a discovery which could lead to improved treatments for those suffering from the illness.
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The research is the result of two decades of work, during which DNA was extracted from the blood samples of people suffering from bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression.

While previous research has identified genes that could indicate a vulnerability to bipolar disorder, the study is the first to replicate its findings from three different sources.

Scientists from the Garvan Institute of Medical Research and the University of New South Wales used a number of families, unrelated patients and therapeutic drug mouse models to obtain their results.

Each of the methods led them to a gene called FAT, which works with a protein that is involved in connecting brain cells together, according to researcher Dr. Ian Blair.

"What we need to do now is find out exactly how it contributes to the increased risk of bipolar disorder," he told AFP on Friday.

But Blair said while people with this particular form of the gene were twice as likely to develop bipolar disorder as other people, the gene was not the only factor.

"Bipolar is a complex genetic disease -- it's caused by the interaction of multiple genes and also environmental factors," he said.

"This (gene) is one of those risk factors. This increases your risk of getting bipolar. It doesn't cause bipolar."

Scientists still don't know the biological basis of bipolar disorder, a psychiatric illness characterised by mood swings resulting in periods of mania and depression, interspersed with stable periods.

About two out of every 100 people live with the illness, with one in six sufferers committing suicide.

Lithium, which can have serious side-effects such as tremors and weight gain, has been prescribed for bipolar disorder for decades but it is not known why it is effective, Blair said.

"There is a real need to get some drugs that target bipolar," he said.

The research was published this month in the medical journal Molecular Psychiatry.

To say that I have been remiss is an understatement….

There have been a lot of things that have happened over the past few months that were just too painful at the time to write about. I have found that the longer I went without writing the harder it is to start again. I don’t know if that is my own guilt about ignoring my blog, or if it has simply been something that I couldn’t do because the pain was too fresh. I do want to let everyone know that despite the problems, despite the anxiety and despite the fact that I have felt as though my heart has been stomped on a lot, I really and truly am fine. I am finally going to start writing now and am going to start doing so in installments. That way, I suppose I can start with the things that happened first so that I have more distance and I am hoping that as I start to write it will become easier. In part I have put off writing because some folks in my life are aware of this blog and I didn’t want to complicate situations in my life any further, but enough has happened that I need to vent about it. I intend to write about the following:

1. My grandson
2. My grandsons mother
3. My daughter-in-law
4. My son
5. My mother
6. My financial foolishness
7. My friend and her baby
8. My relationship or lack thereof
9. The new social security drug benefit
10. Being robbed
11. Moving
12. My niece
13. etc. etc…….

So, bear with me as I will start writing (I hope) later today. Meanwhile, I drew the Queen of Swords today and it was reversed. Now keep in mind that I draw cards to help me to focus on my own life and many times do not check their meanings as all that really matters is what the meanings are to me. Jung did a lot of work with the cards and the Archetypes they represent. Today my Queen of Swords is telling me that I need to not come off with anyone as the person who has the answers, which I am very prone to do. I research and investigate things and tend to have to get my two cents in, but today I need to let go of it all, allow people to make their own decisions and know just how little I truly know. I think that this is a good card for me today. I tend to research in order to find out information and then feel the need to “help” others with that information. I instead need to admit that they know what is best for them. I may have some distance, but I need to admit that they know more than I do.

Brain protein may be linked to depression-more evidence that this is a PHYSICAL ILLNESS

e Linked to Depression

By LAURAN NEERGAARD, AP Medical Writer 24 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - Scientists have discovered a protein that seems to play a crucial role in developing depression, a finding that may lead to new treatments for the often debilitating illness — and fundamental understanding of why it strikes.
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Although problems with the mood-regulating brain chemical serotonin have long been linked to depression, scientists don't know what causes the disease that afflicts some 18 million Americans — or exactly what serotonin's role is.

The newly found protein, named p11, appears to regulate how brain cells respond to serotonin, researchers from Rockefeller University and Sweden's Karolinska Institute report Friday in the journal Science.

"We're all very excited about this discovery," said Nobel laureate Paul Greengard, a Rockefeller neuroscientist who led the research. "People have been looking for modulators of serotonin for a long time."

Said Oxford University pharmacologist Trevor Sharp, who reviewed the work: "This finding represents compelling evidence that p11 has a pivotal role in both the cause of depression and perhaps its successful treatment."

Most depression medications used today are members of the Prozac family that work by making more serotonin available to brain cells. They stem from a theory that depression patients might not have enough serotonin, a neurotransmitter, or chemical that carries signals between nerve cells.

Then scientists discovered the serotonin connection was more complicated, dependent on how well the neurotransmitter binds to receptors, or docking ports, on cell surfaces. Fourteen different serotonin receptors have been discovered.

The new research focuses on one of those receptors, dubbed the "1B" receptor, that seems to play a particularly big role in major depression.

Greengard and colleagues discovered that the p11 protein increases the numbers of these receptors on the surfaces of cells, mobilizing them so they're available for serotonin to do its job.

That led to a series of remarkable experiments, using mice as well as brain tissue saved from the autopsies of depressed patients, that found:

_Depressed people have substantially lower levels of p11 in their brain tissue than the non-depressed. So did a breed of mice, called "helpless" mice, that exhibit depression symptoms.

_Then the mice were given two older antidepressants — one known as a tricyclic, the other an MAO inhibitor — and electric shock therapy. Each treatment increased the amount of p11 in mice brains, even though each therapy is known to work in different ways.

_So the researchers bred mice that had no p11-producing gene. They acted depressed, and had fewer 1B receptors and less serotonin activity than regular mice. They also were less likely to improve with depression medication. Mice genetically altered to produce extra p11 acted in just the opposite way — no depression-like behavior, and their brain cells carried extra serotonin-signaling receptors.

"It's a very important finding," said Dr. Thomas Insel, director of the National Institute of Mental Health, which funded the research. "This gives us a new set of targets for drug development," but also "suggests a whole new area of investigation for trying to ... ultimately discover does this have anything to do with why some people get depressed and others don't."

The researchers don't yet know whether a genetic defect or some other factor is responsible for altering p11 levels.

"The p11 is upstream of the receptor, and now the question is what is upstream of the p11," Greengard said.

But Sharp noted that bouts of depression often are associated with serious stress, and that p11 is part of a protein family known to be sensitive to certain stress-related hormones.

Greengard's lab now is researching the potential for p11-related therapies.

But the discovery likely will aid research into other diseases that also depend on cell-based receptors.

"We're finding that other molecules control other receptors, so I think this may open up quite a major new area of approach to developing therapeutic drugs," Greengard said.

___

On the Net:

Government depression information: http://www.nimh.nih.gov

I Found this while checking out Yahoo News

TUESDAY, Dec. 27 (HealthDay News) -- Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a widely used class of antidepressant drugs that include Celexa, Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft, boost nerve fiber growth in key parts of the brain, according to a study with rats.
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The finding may help explain how SSRIs work and why it takes a few weeks before some antidepressants begin to have an effect.

The research team from Johns Hopkins University found that SSRIs increased the density of nerve impulse-carrying axons in the frontal and parietal lobes of the neocortex and part of the limbic brain that controls smell, emotions, motivations, and organs that work reflexively, such as the heart, stomach and intestines.

"It appears that SSRI antidepressants rewire areas of the brain that are important for thinking and feeling, as well as operating the autonomic nervous system," study leader and neuropathologist Dr. Vassilis E. Koliatsos said in a prepared statement.

It has long been thought that antidepressants work by increasing synaptic concentrations of the brain chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine, enhancing or stimulating their transference.

"But our findings -- that serotonin reuptake modulators increase the density of nerve synapses, especially in the front part of the brain -- may offer a better explanation of why antidepressants are effective and why they take time to work," Koliatsos said.

The study appears in the January issue of the Journal of Neurochemistry.

These things....

These things that have been going on in my life the past few months are too painful to even blog about. Each time that something happens, my first instinct is to come and blog about it-but sometimes things cut too deeply. I come and I start to type and then can't finish. Over the next few days I will start writing about what has been going on, but it may come in pieces. Let me just say that my heart is broken and you find that there are people who like to fight and play games because they want to win, never realizing what exactly it is that they are playing with. There are certain things that you should never play with, a child is one. I see there is a victor at hand. The winner has been declared. I just hope that they can look at themselves in the mirror when they see what they have done. A picture is worth a thousand words.

My internet has been down..

I will do a real post later, but did want everyone to know that I hadn't vanished-my internet has been down. Looking forward to seeing everyone today.